I have not been more excited for the last day of school in a long time. This year has been particularly trying. I know I have not been in the business for too long, but this year has made me want to get out of it fast. I don't enjoy it anymore and I am so tired of managing poor behavior, receiving daily mandates from lawmakers who really have no business creating policy, and then subsequently being evaluated on a point system that measures my success based upon how many 'growth' points my students receive on bullshit assessments. Let's just start with some basics about how I view education in America today:
1. My students get tested 5 weeks out of the school year. They are in school for approximately 40 weeks. So, that is about 1/8 of the year, which is roughly 13%. So, 13% of classroom time is spent sitting very still and very silent, testing. 13% of my duties during the year are proctoring exams. This means that I am 'roving and monitoring' students assuring that they are not cheating. I think this entire situation is a supreme waste of time and resources. The argument for such frequent testing is that it will help us better provide quality instruction because we will have immediate assessment of everything learned. Sure, assessment does help learning. However, not everyone has been created the same way and I'm afraid multiple choice tests leave much out of the equation when you are assessing the whole child. Growth doesn't happen in this perfect arc, where every quarter, you move upwards. Sometimes, growth might take a decade, it doesn't mean I haven't been teaching or that the student isn't learning. So to decide that Student X has stopped growing simply because he did not gain an arbitrary number of 'growth' points is senseless.
2. The testing centered environment of the school only generates students that are not interested in learning. The negative behavior I can't stand is in part proliferated by the constant mind numbing testing sessions. Even the best behaved children can only put up with a limited amount of monotony. I did not grow up getting tested like this and I can tell you that I would not be here today if that were the case. Students are not learning because it is so BOOORINNGGG to work so hard for a test that oftentimes doesn't even assess the standards being taught.
3. Without appropriate counseling, some of the students in my room are absolute terrors to deal with. I shouldn't have to be their teacher and their counselor too. Due to budget cuts etc. I have some seriously emotionally needy children under my care, and while 1 or 2 might be a manageable number, with sometimes upwards of 30 students in my room, the 10 students with exceptional behavior needs, really drain me of my patience. I know that with appropriate counseling, they would be more successful, or with fewer students in my room, I might be more successful. But, 30 is asking a lot from me, especially 14 year olds, and especially, all day long. I really do care about kids, and I recognize that behavior, even negative is communication. What I am hearing from them is that this situation we are in, is not cutting it for me or them.
4. I really can't see myself making so little money for so much stress for too much longer. It is such a shame that I am in such excessive debt, and that the job I have been trained for doesn't quite offer me the salary I would need to ever get out of debt. My education might have gotten me this job but it is certainly going to cost me for the rest of my life. This in itself is a sort of injustice directly related to the state of education today as well. I am not griping only b/c I am in debt, but because of the message low teacher salaries send to young students today. "What do you want to be? Definitely not a teacher, I wouldn't want to deal with what you deal with everyday and get paid so little for it." We are teaching our young students that teachers are clearly dispensable and therefore don't deserve tenure, or the respect of a well deserved raise. Even though, most teachers today have to have Master's degrees, they clearly don't deserve any sort of financial benefits.
5. I got into teaching to make change, to make a difference. I feel that I am not doing that even a little bit. I have become bitter, tired, and impatient. I don't want to be this person. I don't like this person. I'm afraid I can't keep doing something that I've grown so disillusioned by.
6. Don't get me wrong. I love when I actually get to teach. Those rare occasions when I see something on the news or in life and decide to teach a lesson about it. Those are the moments I live for. I wish I could make them be more of my everyday.
7. AND, I recognize that I have been very fortunate with the District I have been working for because despite all that is happening in education. I have been very supported by the district, and all administration I come in contact with. I'm not mad or angry at them. I am sad about the policies that guide education and sad that money often has a lot to do with it.
I think that's enough of a brain dump for today.
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