summer

Today during class I saw this photograph of a nature trail at dusk in what appeared to be mid summer. From that moment on I have been longing for my own version of that photograph. Summer is my absolute favorite season and right now all I can think about is the way sun warms my skin and how I become pleasantly groggy from being drenched in the soft heat. But alas, right now, my world is caked in decay, frozen bits of trash, and the grass is dark and dank. Greenery and sunshine seem to be vestiges of a long forgotten past. Every year in about February, I forget what it feels like to step out into the world with no dread; with the plan to sustain my time outdoors instead of minimize outdoor contact. I want the sun. I need it. I have taken to wearing flip flops around the indoors. I have even painted my toes in preparation. I miss being warm. I miss not having to wear a coat. I miss looking healthy. I miss long walks outdoors. I miss the outdoors. I miss the experience of being outside all day and coming inside to discover that I smell like the wind. I am trapped inside in this dreadfully gray, cold, winter. I don't want to hear about being cozy and warm inside. I want to feel warm all the time. I don't require the cold to know I like the warmth. I am a different creature in the summer. I miss her.