zazu style

One of my favorite professors once told me, “Not all relationships are meant to be forever. Not everything is meant to last.” At the time, this was not really what I wanted to hear but that was precisely why I went to speak to him in the first place. He was always full of hard to hear, on the money advice whether he realized it or not. Now, I might be onto what he was saying. Most relationships in fact, don’t last. People that were your world last year, cease to exist in it. Magic turns into chaos and the enchanting loses its sparkle. This happens more often than not. You can’t tell me that you haven’t fallen in ‘love,’ with something, someone, some idea and only a few weeks later become totally detached from this feeling. “What was I thinking?” I obviously lost my mind temporarily. The relationship loses its luster and becomes work. Somehow, what you put in is no longer worth what comes out. So what of the relationships that do last, that DO endure despite everything that’s stacked against them? Those are the true mysteries. Why do they work?

I can’t say I have it all figured out or even slightly figured out. But what I can speak for is compassion and selflessness. Relationships are delicate things. If they are not properly tended, they don’t evolve and end up broken. Every year, I become more and more sure of the sanctity of a good relationship-one that does evolve, does sustain, does endure. There are so many ways friendships can be lost, a misspoken word here, a careless action there, distance, time, money-the pitfalls are seemingly endless. Relationships that last are not built on mutual understanding, or honesty or all that crap that people like Dr. Phil are always feeding us. There is no formula to follow. They are built on giving up the idea that we are in this alone and for ourselves. They stand on the idea that giving up yourself, not your ideals, but your wants, is what makes you stronger and more desirable. Yes, this person is worth giving up my afternoon nap for. Yes, this person is worth saving the last reese’s cup for. Yes, this person is worth all that used to be just for me. The moment that happens, a relationship creates roots that dig deeply into the soil of our hearts clear through to our souls. These roots take nourishment from ourselves inasmuch as we take nourishment from having the support of another beating heart connected to us. These are the relationships that last and these are the only relationships I yearn to make. Family is not only that which we are born to but that which we are willing to sustain and create. We are totally, entirely capable of connecting and making relationships last, but only if all parties involved are willing and able to spare some valuable heart shaped real estate.