if

Today I spent the day agonizing over my mountains of schoolwork whilst I weeded my front yard. It was a disgusting, sweaty, sticky, wet, process that resulted in some sort of allergic reaction on my arms, a discovery of a disturbing, quivering, sac of spider eggs, and dirt in all my nether regions. As I was weeding I realized that I am terrified, no wait, absolutely petrified of 'if.'