solitude

I know it was just yesterday that I was raving about not having any obligations to fulfill and about the freedom that break affords but today I am finding myself profoundly overwhelmed with a feeling of loss. All the things I have been avoiding are out laying bare, asking me to consider them. Without having to rush from one place to another, I am all of sudden forced to confront myself. Yesterday, for the first time in a couple months I spent a good solid five hours by myself. I always make a point to never be alone like that. I think too much and if not joined by at least one person, I think myself into a deep sadness. It never fails to happen. I don't do well on my own. I used to think that I was someone who liked being alone but I cannot even stand the thought of it. I could never imagine living alone or being by myself in any way. I have been thinking more about this and I have never really spent a significant amount of time just with myself. I have always had access to someone I love or someone who would call upon me to be there for them. I don't know why I feel like I am lacking something by not being able to be handle myself alone.